Change, Choice and Retreat

I tend to be most comfortable when I am surrounded by choices, options and sweet possibility.   The sound of closing doors sends shivers up my spine and makes me start to sweat.

 (maybe this is a symptom of an INFP personality, to find out your Myers Brigg's personality profile check out http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp)

photo courtesy of   ispeakindreams.wordpress.com

So decision making can sometimes be a slow and excruciating process for me when I'm confronted by tough choices.  But even worse than that, is when I've had to retract a previous commitment.

(My fear is that I will look irresponsible, immature, confused and flighty- at least- this is the stream of criticism that the little voice in my head hurls at me).

I also wonder and worrythat I may be letting other people down. 

But you know that feeling that you get- when you start to sense that uneasiness in your stomach, or when it feels like you have been pounding on a door that won't open...or when all the joy kind of drains out the bottom of something you thought would be incredible?

So I have two choices: stick to my original plan for the sake of not appearing ridiculous or letting down people who probably weren't that interested in what I was doing anyways, or I make a new decision.  The latter choice sounds much more appealling. 
(and doesn't it make sense that as we get new information, we are allowed to give ourselves space to make new decisions?)

So in these moments of self-doubt and fear, I will remind myself of a few lines from the poem The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer:

I want to know if you can disappoint another in order
to be true to yourself
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

So here is a powerful idea that I am telling myself and sharing with you.  It is okay to change your mind.  It is better to make a new, healthier decision that honors your own truth, than it does to stick to one simply to avoid embarassment or accusation. 
 I will let you know how it works out!