Self Confidence for Artists, Creators and Seekers

I discovered this at http://happylittlehippy.blogspot.com/ and felt compelled to share it.
(Thanks Rosie, you rock)


 While I am growing more and more comfortable in my artist skin, there is part of me that still gets stage fright, that swats away compliments, that struggles with the concept of self-promotion. 

So I've come up with THREE SIMPLE RULES:

1. be your best self.
           have a positive attitude. 
               pass up opportunities to complain or criticize yourself and others.   

2. fake it till you make it. 
        this includes your image and your wardrobe.  
            they say that you shouldn't dress for the job you have,
            you need to dress for the job you want.   
            what message are you sending to the world?

3. learn and practice the language of self-promotion. 
        many of us were socialized against self-promotion.
            we were taught to avoid "bragging" and "showing off"
            as adults, we often still struggle against old messages
            that we should minimize our successes
            so that other people don't find us arrogant or feel bad about themselves
            how much time you spent talking about your faults & frustrations,
            rather than sharing successes?  
           
           
great resources: 

http://www.topdrawerconsignmentshop.com/ 
Tamara can help you put together some fabulous looks and revamp your image.
http://thewriteconversation.blogspot.com/2011/09/top-10-ways-to-promote-yourself-on.html
self promotion 101

10 ways to Slow Down and Enjoy Life

Every direction we turn, we are being urged to go faster;
to move through life at an ever increasing speed.
This can lead to burnout, frayed nerves, and rushing past fun and opportunity.

So here is my
top ten list of how to slow down

1.  get into nature. 
            tap into the natural rhythm of things. 
2.  focus on your breathing.
            bring your attention to your breathe,
            exhale any stress or tension in your body.   
3. stop multi-tasking. 
            do less and accomplish more. 
            you'll be more productive and less stressed.
4. chew your food.
5. give yourself permission to procrasinate.
            don't feel obligate to return a call or respond to a
            request right away. it can wait until later.
6. stretch. 
           watch your dog for tips- she stretches every morning 
           and so should you.
7. take breaks.
           don't get glued to your workspace. 
           take a few minutes to refresh and regroup. 
8.  turn off your phone and blackberry. 
          when you are with your loved ones, be present. 
          turn off the constant distraction and give them your
          full attention.
 9.  let go of the past.
          nothing is as far away as a minute ago. 
          move on from yesterdays blunders.
10. break a commitment.
         if you find yourself dreading your weekly book club,
         give yourself permission to stop going.   
         save your precious time and energy for more important
         things.
          

resources to help you slow down and reduce anxiety:

cheryl richardson.  the extreme art of self care.-
a great, easy read.
www.cherylrichardson.com

christine kane- music that moves and encourages you
http://christinekane.com/

movie: eat, pray love. 

Change, Choice and Retreat

I tend to be most comfortable when I am surrounded by choices, options and sweet possibility.   The sound of closing doors sends shivers up my spine and makes me start to sweat.

 (maybe this is a symptom of an INFP personality, to find out your Myers Brigg's personality profile check out http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp)

photo courtesy of   ispeakindreams.wordpress.com

So decision making can sometimes be a slow and excruciating process for me when I'm confronted by tough choices.  But even worse than that, is when I've had to retract a previous commitment.

(My fear is that I will look irresponsible, immature, confused and flighty- at least- this is the stream of criticism that the little voice in my head hurls at me).

I also wonder and worrythat I may be letting other people down. 

But you know that feeling that you get- when you start to sense that uneasiness in your stomach, or when it feels like you have been pounding on a door that won't open...or when all the joy kind of drains out the bottom of something you thought would be incredible?

So I have two choices: stick to my original plan for the sake of not appearing ridiculous or letting down people who probably weren't that interested in what I was doing anyways, or I make a new decision.  The latter choice sounds much more appealling. 
(and doesn't it make sense that as we get new information, we are allowed to give ourselves space to make new decisions?)

So in these moments of self-doubt and fear, I will remind myself of a few lines from the poem The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer:

I want to know if you can disappoint another in order
to be true to yourself
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

So here is a powerful idea that I am telling myself and sharing with you.  It is okay to change your mind.  It is better to make a new, healthier decision that honors your own truth, than it does to stick to one simply to avoid embarassment or accusation. 
 I will let you know how it works out!

Growing Pains

I know that life is cyclical, a never ending rollercoaster of highs and lows, and ongoing journey of mountains and valleys.  However, whenever I find my self in a valley- I resist- each and every time.  (this I admit sheepishly and with reluctance, for my ideal self can not only predict the lows, but accepts them with grace and ease.)  Unfortunately, I react as though I'm on a road trip, waking up in the passenger seat, expecting to see Disneyland, but realizing instead that we're stopped with a flat tire in a deserted town.  At 3 am. On a Sunday.

I recently heard the phrase "Lean into the discomfort."  Intellectually, this made perfect sense.  Pain often means we are growing, stretching, learning. We are moving outside of the familiar and predictable on this wild ride called life (and isn't that what it's all about, anyway?)

So here's my mantra this week: 

I will stop pushing forwards to the future.  I will not think about what just passed.  I will put my focus on the here and now and enjoy what is.  I will let you know how it works out....

15 Minute Energy Boost: Holistic Self Care

We are essentially made up of four parts, each of which requires and provides something different to help us to function at our best.

The four parts of Self include:
              -physical - your body (also influenced by environment)  
              -emotional - your feelings
               -mental- knowledge, information, wisdom
               -spiritual- sense of connection to all things, or something greater than yourself



Take a moment to ask youself:

1. Which part of yourself is calling for your attention right now? What part feels low or depleted?
2.  What would help you to refuel that part? For example, journalling might help your emotional self,
 your physical self may be in need of some exercise.  you may need to stimulate your mind with a new activity or topic of conversation, time in nature might refuel your spiritual centre.
 3. The trick is to understand that any little action may be enough to make a difference.
      Take 15 minutes to do the activity of your choice and rejuvinate your senses!

ENVY & INSPIRATION

 ENVY & INSPIRATION
Envy is a wonderful thing!  Envy tells us that we have seen something that speaks to us, to our own unique drives and desires.  It's kind of light a flashing street sign, giving us information and direction so we can better steer our own course. (do not confuse envy with evil, competitiveness or anger,  envy does not seek to harm or compete).  Today's task is to let a little envy inspire you!

Here's the challenge:   Soak up a little ENVY!
      1. Ask yourself who inspires you.  Could be anyone, for any reason.   
      2. What do you like about this person?  What quality do you envy?
      3. Now write about it, talk about it or create something that reminds you of it.
      4.  Soak in a little of those good envy vibes. Enjoy!

understanding anger- for women

         Women seem to experience anger mostly from the outside in.  We get mad at something or someone, but we usually end up taking it out on ourselves.  You can see this through the actions of self-harm that we inflict on ourselves (overeating, undereating, cutting, depression) and also in the way that our anger manifests into physical pain (headaches, migraines, shoulder pain, teeth grinding).

Our own anger is often something that we are actually a little afraid of.  We try to avoid it, mask it or deny it.  As in...no I wasn't angry I was worried ....I'm not angry but....

Often by the time that anger comes out, it comes out sideways-completely missing the actual cause of our anger and landing on our spouses, our children, our co-workers, an innocent grocery store clerk.  And this only reinforces our fear of anger- it tells us that our anger is reckless and regrettable. 

So what is the purpose of anger? Anger actually serves two very important functions:

                - it tells us when our boundaries are crossed

                -it lets us know when something needs to change

Our anger is highly valuable.  We need our anger to alert us to things that are not acceptable or okay and to help fuel us to make changes in those areas.  When channeled appropriately, anger helps us to live the life we want to live and to keep us safe from harm. 

So next time you are feeling the effects or aftermath of anger, try these steps:

1.       Acknowledge your anger.  Admit it.  So often I hear women say  I’m not mad...   Yes you were.   You're furious. It's not the  end of the world. 

    

2.   Take some time to think about what your goal is.  Get out a pen and paper and write for a few minutes.  Ask yourself:  What do you need from the other person?  What do you want to see happen?  This step is important, it allows for you to refocus on the bigger picture and to keep in mind the potential consequences of your next steps.

3.    Take ownership over your own emotions and wellbeing.  People often assume that the other person should know  what they did wrong or that you are upset.   This is an unfair expectation of others and a way of trying to avoid conflict.  It is your job to teach people about your personal boundaries and to take care of yourself.  It is not anyone else's job to try to make guesses or to become an expert mindreader.   

4.  Go to the source.  At first, it might feel easier to practice this step after the initial triggering event is over.  Often we freeze up in the moment.  That's okay.  Later, after step two, return to the source of your anger.  Go back and deal with it directly.  Express your anger to the appropriate person.   (Face to face is best, unless you believe that the other person could become violent.)  When you are angry, say so. Be clear and direct.  Practice speaking your truth.